Interview with Robin McKee Williams

During the COVID pandemic, parishioner Karin Forno conducted a series of interviews of St. Mary’s folks. She is publishing them as a series over time on the St. Mary’s website.

October 20, 2020

Interviewer: On a day to day basis, how has the pandemic affected you?

It makes me more aware, praying every moment. And every moment is a choice to see the gift of life. And to be with God in that moment.

Interviewer: And on a practical level?

We’re having this interview in my yard because of the pandemic.

I thought I should [and] I was going to create a flower sanctuary. And if I couldn’t travel and go places and I couldn’t be with people, then I’m going to create a garden. I just love looking at flowers and colors, and I feel such a presence of love and grace and joy when I look at flowers. So I am creating that all around me, so that I can be reminded not to despair.

I’m wondering if there’s been a pattern or a direction or course that your feelings and experiences have taken from the beginning of the pandemic to where we are now in October, the last seven months.

I just feel increasingly aware. It’s like I’ve been given a life, I’ve been given energy, and I think I have a fair amount of energy.

I feel a sense of urgency. It’s not a panic, but it’s a great urgency to do everything that I possibly can in every moment that might be lovely or beautiful or thoughtful or reach somebody or protect myself– I just feel very narrowed on gathering all my effort and energy to move forward in that direction. I don’t know how long I’m going to be here on the planet.

And people are hurting everywhere. I’d like to see that lessen. I’d like us as a world to do better, to get better, and to get better together. Maybe my way of fighting back is to do music, which I think can be for some very lovely. And at least it’s an attempt whether somebody likes it or not. It’s a gesture. To try to hang onto that moment of grace in life, which is in my breath right now. Life is pretty short.

So my response is to work harder and harder, and count my blessings more, definitely to count my blessings. I have new variations of counting, counting blessings that I didn’t see that I have.

Interviewer: How have you stayed involved with St. Mary’s during the pandemic?

Well, I think Kristine said something about using your time and talent.

And I guess they lost the choir director. So, I thought I’ll volunteer and do the virtual choir work because I actually can do the choral directing. I could do the singing and I’m getting to know that whole virtual process so that we can share with the people at St. Mary’s, and then toss those virtual projects around like crazy people!  But there’s no agenda there except that I just think it’s really nice to do something lovely.

And that’s the way I’m fighting back. That’s how I’m coping. So it’s a great honor to do that.

Interviewer: What has St. Mary’s meant to you, especially during the pandemic?

I see it more clearly in terms of people. I’m actually very involved with people, but I’m very private at the same time. So I’ve gotten to know people better and more and had more relationships with people than I usually do. I usually keep a pretty big wall around me. I still do.  But I’ve really enjoyed the Zoom coffee hours and just being able to have the Zoom service. And knowing that I’m now part of something. It gives me a little bit of definition in this big sea of pandemic as I’m redefining my world, as different boundaries and shapes.

I’m really proud that St Mary’s is active feeding the people in Pacific Grove. It’s really important to me that the whole church stays connected in many ways, trying to do the little maze [labyrinth] at the church. And the blessing of the animals. That’s just totally lovely.

Interviewer: So what would you say are the habits or practices that have been the most important to you during the pandemic and getting through or overcoming?

 I’m still really focusing on the songs. I think about one every week or two. And just listen and listen, listen, listen, listen. When I go on to the next day, I listen and listen if I want to stay with them. And I love some of the basic prayers from the Book of Common Prayer. I really like them. I like to listen to Scripture and some of the Psalms and I just I listen to a lot in the morning and evening. And if I haven’t had enough, I can tell. “Oh, I don’t want to go there.” Go find some more flowers or something like that.

So I’m very aware that I need this mentally, to be tanked up. It’s like a mental process and a mental practice as well as a spiritual practice. Because you can really start feeling badly. It helps me to hook up with some of the Psalms praising God.

Interviewer: How do you deal with the uncertainty we’re all facing?

It is the way it is. I can’t do anything about it, except what I can do is to do music and focus on the beauty of the moment that I’ve been given. So, yeah, I know it’s out there. I get little glimpses of it and it just brings me back to: “I can only do what I can do here.” And things could get a lot worse. I mean, people are complaining left and right and maybe their lives have been a lot easier. I haven’t had an easy life. So on some level this is kind of normal. I have to adjust and I have to do my best. And no matter what happens, you’ve got to find a way out and find an answer. Move forward. Life is a series of new beginnings. So I see it as  there’s no guarantees in life.

Interviewer: Is there something about this time that has surprised you? And if so, what has surprised you the most?

I’m surprised I have so many flowers.

And I’m surprised  that for the most part, I’m happy. I mean, there is the pain. But I managed to do things that bring me joy. And I have had some peace in all of this, and that’s a great relief to have that. And for the most part, I’m very grateful.

I am doing OK. I have a roof over my head. I have food in my mouth. I get to do lovely things. That’s pretty outrageous. So it’s OK. Yeah, everything’s OK.

I guess in the broad spectrum, I like challenges and I like being overwhelmed because it makes me have to think on my feet and be creative and find solutions to things.

The last thing that whenever I thought that I would be doing is doing so much work on the computer. Now, that was not my forte, but I have learned a tremendous amount. And I just realized, OK, well, I’m not perfect. No one is perfect. And the more I do, the better I get. Now I’m looking around at my colleagues and they don’t know how to do a Zoom rehearsal. They don’t know how to do a virtual project. They don’t know where to go for information for this or that. And I didn’t miss a heartbeat. I just went on with what I had.

My colleagues said, “I don’t know. I’m gonna sit and wait.” I’m not going to sit and wait and wonder. I want to do music now. So that was my choice.

 And I’m grateful for that. Yeah, it is hard. OK, so you have to find a plan A, Plan B, C, D, Plan X, and then when you run out you flip it over and start over again. That’s a start. I’d rather try to do something than sit and say I can’t do this. Maybe I can do some of the Internet stuff poorly, but I could do it now.

So I’m excited about that. Yeah. A new horizon. And I’m learning stuff every week, every day about how to do it better and make it better and communicate more.